he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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