No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
