If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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