I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
