FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
