I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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