it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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