I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
