in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
