sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
