I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
