Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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