It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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