How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
