If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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