Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize