It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
