All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
