I didn't shave. On purpose
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
