What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im part way to drunk.
We're too hungover to prance.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
