On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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