Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
