I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
