I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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