I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
