I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
