did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
