Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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