So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
