Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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