wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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