this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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