I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
