standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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