Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
