Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
