Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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