so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
