The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
