4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
