i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she looked like the before picture.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
