I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize