Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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