i just had sex bonerless
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
