now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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