Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
