I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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