are you still at the devil's house?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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