I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
