How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
