I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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