Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Houston, we have a squirter
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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