Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
