Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
