Sponge bath it is.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
