The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
