i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
