How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
