Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
someone owes me an orgasm
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
