Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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