Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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