are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
