just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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