I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
