i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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