dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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