so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
