I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
