I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
