I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
