period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
