I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
