The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
